05.25
I’ve been thinking about marriages lately. I have the privilege of participating in the wedding of some good friends of mine tomorrow, and Diana and I have other friends tying the knot next month. I was recently asked to officiate a wedding as well; if it happens, it will be my first wedding serving as a pastor. Needless to say, weddings and the covenant relationship known as marriage, have been on my mind a lot lately even as I do my secular job. (I’m currently bi-vocational, for those who don’t know.)
Jobs are kind of like marriages‚Äö kind of. Let’s start at the beginning. Prior to a job being filled, an employer gets ready to actively date (recruit from) the workforce. She makes it clear that she is “on the market” (quite literally) and the r?¬©sum?¬©s of potential beaus start flooding in to her like pickup lines at a bar. Slowly, she thins out the field, getting rid of the goofballs and the freaks. A few of the remaining guys make good impressions, and manage to score a callback (initial interview) from her. Ultimately she ends up left with one or two intelligent and sensitive studs to choose from, and decides to get to know them better, spending a few days with the parents and the friends (references). Things don’t go so well for the first guy, but the second one seems perfect, so intense courtship (responsibilities and salary negotiation) commences. It doesn’t take long, only a few days or weeks, until the wedding bells ring.
The relationship starts off great. There may be a few moments of trepidation at the rehearsal (the day before starting the new job), but that isn’t all that uncommon when someone is faced with the temporary doubts regarding long-term expectations. Ultimately, both the employer and the new employee are enamored with each other, pleased that they were able to find such a good. Everything seems perfect. (Unless it’s a marriage of convenience or obligation, but every analogy can be broken.) The honeymoon (new-hire orientation) and the first few months go great, and everyone is pretty happy.
Six months in, the shiny newness of the relationship has worn off. The employer and employee are both aware of the deceitfulness of the other during the dating and courtship phases. She really had higher expectations for level of responsibility. He really isn’t as knowledgeable and handy with things as leads her to believe. Tensions grow, simply because both people inevitably fall short.
Finally, there is the first major fight of the relationship: plans for the holidays. The struggle becomes when to take vacation, how long to be gone, and when to return. Inevitably, the two parties don’t see eye to eye.
The first year is the hardest. After that, things can become more familiar, though both parties know how to push each other’s buttons, and often do. It’s not always easy to stick with it, especially when the other person’s faults stare you right in the eye every day.
Long-term dissatisfaction with the quirks and attitudes of the other person can cause a great deal of stress. It may eventually lead to temporary burnout or even long-term health issues, possibly even resulting in separation.
Does this sound like it could apply to both marriages and jobs? I think it does‚Äö but that’s where the similarities between jobs and marriages should end, even though they often don’t.
A job is supposed to be a social and financial construct designed to provide an opportunity for two parties to exchange things they need; generally one party gets money, while the other gets work.
A marriage is supposed to be a social and a spiritual covenant designed to provide two parties to exchange things they need: each other.
Often jobs evolves from being a mutually beneficial construct into a symbiotic relationship (though certainly not exclusively so) with the employer taking advantage of the employee in physical, emotional, and financial ways.
Marriages have opportunity to do that too, but the difference is that a marriage is designed to be a covenant, a binding promise of continuing relationship. It isn’t disposable like a job. And it should never be a one-way street.
The Bible is clear that the husband is the head of his wife. That is a strongly offensive statement to many women, and understandably so. Many Christian husbands betray the God-ordained beauty of this arrangement by emotionally and spiritually mistreating their wives.
The Bible is clear on husbands being the heads of their wives. It’s also clear that this is lived out in loving submission within the covenant relationship, and that it is a two-way street, a perpetual give-and-take.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:18-19 ESV)
I guess jobs aren’t like marriages. At least, not if marriages are done God’s way. Gentlemen, take the lead in your marriages. Show your wives love and grace. Shower them with mercy, and encourage them in all the areas of their lives. Ladies, love your husbands, and forgive them when they are wrong. Offer them your thoughts and respect. Praise them when they provide for you and make you proud.
Ladies and gentlemen, remember that as members of the Church, we are all part of the body that is the Bride of Christ, and we are all to submit to His leadership.
